“Why don’t I get to choose?”
The question that constantly finds its way floating into my thoughts.
I’m 28 years old and my desire to be married has heightened over the years. I want to be in a relationship and feel the affection of another being. I want to be pursued by someone who wants to be with me. I want a piece of earthly affection that correlates with God’s affection that can only be felt through marriage!
But I don’t get to choose!
Let me tell you a little something about men, they get to choose. Now I’m not saying I don’t get to choose who I marry, but my options are limited compared to the options that a man has and that frustrates me.
Let’s look at two fictional people Daniel and Samantha.
Daniel decides one day that he is ready to date and find that one special girl. Daniel then proceeds to pursue women that he thinks would be a good match for him. Daniel takes Samantha out on a date. A week later he takes Rebecca. Decides Rebecca didn’t work out and takes Samantha out on yet another date. Meets Nicole and wonders if she could be the one and then takes her out as well. Things don’t work out with Nicole so then he decides that he should continue seeing Samantha. He finally begins to pursue Samantha.
Samantha finds herself being taught by the Lord constantly what it looks like to be loved by him, but she currently feels the desire to be in a relationship. She has a heart for marriage and wanting to be married and she feels like that is the direction that the Lord is currently calling her in. Samantha then proceeds to place herself in places that she would meet more godly men for her to potential mate with. Samantha has noticed Daniel before and knows that she is physically attracted to him. One day Daniel asks Samantha on a date and she says yes. Samantha thought it went really well and that Daniel would encourage them to go on yet another date sooner than later. Days go by and she doesn’t hear from Daniel. She’s out with friends one night with friends and sees Daniel on a date with another young lady. She thinks to herself maybe it didn’t go so well. She begins to feel insecure and doubts whether or not she is supposed to be in a relationship or even get married. A week later Daniel calls and asks can they go out again. They end up going Mini golfing and talking after dinner. Samantha feels like everything is a success. She really has made an effort to just be herself with Daniel.
Again Daniel doesn’t call Samantha for a week. Samantha’s friend sees Daniel on a date with the Nicole, the new girl in town, and decides to let Samantha know. Samantha then stops what she is doing and prays to God. “ Lord why don’t I get to choose. How come I can only say yes to date men who desire to date me. Why can’t I ask a man out on a date and pursue him. Lord it just doesn’t seem fair. Are you ever going to allow me to be married?” After ranting and raving at the Lord for about 15 minutes and allowing Him to honestly know where she was at Samantha then prays this, “Lord send me a man that solely wants to pursue me. A man that knows what he desires and doesn’t need to date a number of women to figure out that she is the one. Lord let him be a man that seeks you. Lord allow me to be a woman that doesn’t easily give into those who desire to take me out on dates. Allow me to pray and seek you on whether or not I should say yes. Allow me to be hidden in you O’God.” She receives a call from Daniel asking her out on yet another date and she says……
The answer that Samantha gives Daniel actually doesn’t matter. To be honest on different days I would give it a different answer. Whether or not she answers “yes” or “no” isn’t the problem at hand.
As women we sometimes find ourselves caught up in the who the when and the how. We usually eliminate the why, which is when questions like “why don’t I get to choose?” begin to arise in us. I found that my frustration in not getting to choose is because I am attempting to play God in some sense. “No one is choosing me, so I’m just going to make this happen for myself.” In Samantha’s story, which if were being honest sounds a lot like a number of our own stories, she begins questioning why doesn’t she get to choose who she dates. All the men in the world and she is only left with the ones that decides she could be marriage material. It just doesn’t make sense.
The problem is that we have forgotten that this is a one man pursuit. Instead of desiring to pursue the men we could date, why aren’t we pursuing the one man that’s going to make a difference in our marriage, God?
There is a quote that I love by Maya Angelou “A woman’a heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him to find her.” We can’t wave a magic wand and the perfect man just appears before us. Relationships take time, they take work, and they take a lot of God. In our impatience we are not only trying to play the role of God, but we are ultimately taking away the role God gave to men. Some men are doing this dating/pursual of women completely incorrect, that’s just fact. However, when we decide that we should be able to choose we take away things that the Lord is trying to teach the man. How to hear His voice and how to make God-centered choices. Things that will ultimately help him make decisions and to fulfill the leadership role in the marriage that the Lord has given him. Out of our impatience we are choosing to take that away from the man that could potentially be our mate.
I’ll leave you with this, learn to be content in falling deeply in love with Your creator daily. Find rest in knowing that He is good and that He has good things for you. Don’t only have faith, but have confidence that He will give you the things that He has promised you. Please don’t dismantle what the Lord is teaching the man/men in your life. Let God speak to them. When its time for a relationship to ensue or a marriage to begin you’ll know.
So here is my prayer for us today.
Many of our hearts deepest desires is to be married. To feel the love that you have for us manifested in the only earthly love that will give a glimpse into the love. Lord helps us not to be focused on being married women, but focus our eyes on you. Allow us to be so engulfed in Your kingdom business that we are unable to see our husbands coming. I pray that the men who decides to pursue us has to seek you in order to get to us. I pray that you increase the identity that we have in You as daughters. That we realize that you want nothing, but the best for us. Teach us what it means to fall deeper and deeper into love with you. Be our passion. Today we give your our hearts, our husbands, and our desires to be married. Take them and make them completely yours. We ask all these things in the precious name of Jesus, amen.